This winter we had snow, enough snow to build a igloo. With nothing but a ice cream tub and a few pairs of gloves we had a good go at building a igloo. I told Dylan to be really careful as we started to make the walls higher. It was curving in and I knew that if we put on any more bricks it would fall down. This is the best way I can explain my experience. I was taking on more and more, dealing with to much and eventually I just fell down.
It was difficult not to feel angry at myself. I’ve got healthy happy children, a husband that I love with all my heart, a roof over my head so why have I got myself into this state.
I feel it is important for me and others to tell our stories of mental illness. I want to help change the minds of people that don’t realise the seriousness of mental health problems.
I have been quite lucky regarding stigma and most people that I have told have been positive. However from my experience I believe sadly that some people are still of the opinion that mental health problems are people moaning and with a weakness that they should just get on with it. In the same way that romance doesn’t always need grand gestures, us anxious folk are grateful for any small gesture. Sometimes a simple text that says, ‘I’m here if you need to talk’, can be enough.
If I had had a physical illness I think it would have been a different story altogether. I’ve been told that I come across as happy, confident and to quote one person “someone that has there shit together” (which is most certainly not always how I feel), so I am proof that it can happen to anyone.
Most of the time I feel normal (what ever normal actually is) but sometimes my patience becomes so thin that I want to scream at everything and everyone. It’s almost like I have become so anxious that I can not breathe. I am lucky and my doctor has been amazing and advised me on medication to take that has helped when I feel like I can’t cope.
If you have experienced mental health issues (either directly or indirectly) don’t be afraid to talk about them! There are very few people who I’ve talked to about my mental health, until now – I know it’s scary, but having mental health issues is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s time to change and it’s time to talk!