Anxiety and me

78 days (at this current time) since the doctor told me to take time out. 78 days since I was told I have anxiety and stress. I could break it down to the hours and minutes.

This winter we had snow, enough snow to build a igloo. With nothing but a ice cream tub and a few pairs of gloves we had a good go at building a igloo. I told Dylan to be really careful as we started to make the walls higher. It was curving in and I knew that if we put on any more bricks it would fall down. This is the best way I can explain my experience. I was taking on more and more, dealing with to much and eventually I just fell down.

It was difficult not to feel angry at myself. I’ve got healthy happy children, a husband that I love with all my heart, a roof over my head so why have I got myself into this state.

I feel it is important for me and others to tell our stories of mental illness it’s wonderful to know that other people are telling and sharing experiences of anxiety and mental health issues people like Rachel from life with Amelia who like myself want to help change the minds of people that don’t realise the seriousness of mental health problems.

I have been quite lucky regarding stigma and most people that I have told have been positive. However from my experience I believe sadly that some people are still of the opinion that mental health problems are people moaning and with a weakness that they should just get on with it. In the same way that romance doesn’t always need grand gestures, us anxious folk are grateful for any small gesture. Sometimes a simple text that says, ‘I’m here if you need to talk’, can be enough.

If I had had a physical illness I think it would have been a different story altogether. I’ve been told that I come across as happy, confident and to quote one person “someone that has there shit together” (which is most certainly not always how I feel), so I am proof that it can happen to anyone.

Most of the time I feel normal (what ever normal actually is) but sometimes my patience becomes so thin that I want to scream at everything and everyone. It’s almost like I have become so anxious that I can not breathe. I am lucky and my doctor has been amazing and advised me on medication to take that has helped when I feel like I can’t cope.

If you have experienced mental health issues (either directly or indirectly) don’t be afraid to talk about them! There are very few people who I’ve talked to about my mental health, until now – I know it’s scary, but having mental health issues is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s time to change and it’s time to talk!

Mission Mindfulness

 

17 Comments

  1. February 2, 2018 / 11:37 pm

    Love you millions Mrs L. Who cares about normal? Why should it be “normal” to race around until you catch your tail coming round the other way? Why should it be “normal” to put so much stress on ourselves, family commitments, work, socially, emotionally, without an outlet or way of release.
    I hate to think of one of my dearest friends dealing with anxiety and the darkness that comes with it. Love you millions xxx

    • admin
      Author
      February 3, 2018 / 3:37 pm

      This is it exactly. I read today that anxiety is higher in middle age woman with children than anyone else. So much pressure is put on us but most of that pressure comes from the woman herself. I’ve started to mediate so could go all hippy on you but I won’t

  2. Charles Edwards
    February 3, 2018 / 9:19 am

    Darling, nobody knows you better than your mum and dad. You have given us two of the most wonderful grandchildren any grandparents could ask for. A grandson who is so close to his Nanny they are stuck like glue. A granddaughter who could set the world on fire and find her Poppers passing the fire lighters. We know things are difficult and there are dark days ahead. Just remember you are not alone

    • admin
      Author
      February 3, 2018 / 3:38 pm

      Awwww pops this is lovely xxx You and poppers are a right pair, think we should put you in a little house by yourselves x

  3. February 3, 2018 / 9:06 pm

    Beautifully explained and so important to talk about mental health. Thank you for sharing your experience! My partner has been off work with anxiety for six months and people struggle to understand that some days he can’t face getting out of bed let alone go to work. You are awesome for talking about such an important issue x

    • admin
      Author
      February 3, 2018 / 11:06 pm

      Bless him 🙁 it’s really so tough. Is he getting help? I’ve found something called headspace really helps, it’s just a app. My hubby laughs as it’s a meditation thing but it helps me with my breathing. I honestly don’t think it’s ever been so hard for me to hit publish so your comment mean a lot. Thank you x x

  4. February 4, 2018 / 3:37 am

    Absolutely wonderfully captured and explained, I felt the same even at my worst when I struggled to drag my body out of bed, I felt grateful for my children and my husband, I knew I was blessed and that I ‘should’ feel happy. It wasn’t that I wanted to change anything in my life except for this illness! I was angry that I couldn’t just feel better. When it is physical we know others will understand, we don’t need to explain, but with mental illness there is a belief that if you just choose to be happy you can instantly be happy. I am glad you are opening up and helping break the stigma xx #thesatsesh

    • admin
      Author
      February 4, 2018 / 9:08 pm

      ‘I was angry that I just couldn’t feel better’ this it it exactly. I have felt like this but never said it. Thank you so much for the kind words, it means such a lot x

  5. Chloe @ Indigo Wilderness
    February 4, 2018 / 9:42 am

    Thank you for linking up with #bestbootforward. It’s so hugely important that we talk about these things. Not only does it help fight stigma but it also helps us on a very basic level to vent our feelings and find that other people are having similar experiences. I suffer from anxiety and believe me it does abate and you’ll get to know the signs so you can manage it better. It’s okay not to cope sometimes just get through the day and it’s really great you have such a supportive husband. Always welcome along at Best Boot Forward. A similar initiative helped me when I was suffering my worst from anxiety. Much love to you x

    • admin
      Author
      February 4, 2018 / 9:10 pm

      Thank you so much Chloe for all your help and advice. If there is any positive to be taken it’s finding such a lovely group of like minded people 🙂 x

  6. February 4, 2018 / 11:41 am

    welcome to best boot forward and thank you for sharing your story, I often think mental health should come with some kind of plaster, you know a phsyical one, like a cast, one people can see so they can ask about and one can explain

    • admin
      Author
      February 4, 2018 / 9:11 pm

      This made me smile, it really should. Maybe a big bandage around the head 🙂 thank you for commenting, really kind of you x

  7. February 4, 2018 / 9:44 pm

    Well firstly you write beautifully and also powerfully so even though it is not your job to do it, you will help so many people with posts like this and as it goes I am already a little in love with your blog. Honoured to have you as part of Best Boot Forward and there is a funny thing that the right people find each other. As for mental health issues, I too have experienced them and for years on end. Much better now and off medication. Everything got better when I started to talk first on my blog and then in the real world and finally to the family and doctor. One thing I would say is that I have found the people who deny anxiety and depression often are experiencing it or have done so and it just feels that little too bit close to home. It’s like fitting in which I wrote about last week. If you feel you don’t fit in, you actually do because so many feel that way and if you have mental health issues, really who doesn’t or hasn’t so again there is a community ready to step up and support. Welcome to our little tiny part of that!

    • admin
      Author
      February 5, 2018 / 7:33 pm

      Wow Kate, I don’t really know how to start with such a compliment. It’s not often I’m speechless but to have such kind words about my writing means such a lot. I’m so thankful for finding such a helpful group. I think it’s quite a rarity in the writing world to have such support in a group and it means a lot. Thank you so much xx

  8. February 7, 2018 / 6:37 pm

    I can very much relate to what you say about your anxiety. Often you feel ‘normal’ but sometimes you just want to scream because of the build up. I think you are right we all need to talk about this stuff more. Today I ran a session on dealing with anxiety at school to the mindfulness group – it felt very liberating. Take care xx #thesatsesh

    • admin
      Author
      February 8, 2018 / 8:38 pm

      Thank you Hayley, all the comments and feedback I’ve had have been so positive and kind x

  9. February 17, 2018 / 6:27 am

    I’m a big advocate for talking about mental health as an anxiety/stress/depression/PND survivor. I hope you are able to feel on a more even keel soon. #thesatsesh

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